Left Leg #6 - Special Music Issue

SPECIAL MUSIC ISSUE

Introduction: We Get Shit in the Mail

Over the past year, The Left Leg has started getting real physical mail, like in our actual mail box. Mostly this is CD's people are sending for review, which we really don't understand, given our uniformly angry, bitter, and critical reviews. But we just keep getting more. So, the indie rock teens have spoken, here we go.

Eric Alexandrakis: I.V Catatonia (1999)

This is apparently an album recorded on a four-track. While I maybe once thought this was a cool point by itself, I don't think so now. The album's recording quality is really good for a four-track, and there is a lot of stereo stuff going on (all the tracks are clearly being used), but it's sometimes hard to tell if the sonic problems with the music are intentional or exacerbated by the four-track medium. We'll get to that later.

Eric Alexandrakis seems to be a pretty competent musician, but he suffers from a sort of Left Turn Syndrome. Most of the songs begin as melodic or at least listenable, tune-driven pieces, but they invariably take one or more horrible left turns. For example, the song "Beware the Ides of March" (track 9) is actually very nice -- for about a minute and twenty seconds. After that, Mr. Alexandrakis punches in the death-by-fuzz pedal, causing the listener to wonder whether his speakers have just been destroyed by an electro-magnetic pulse. After this "left turn" the song is completely unlistenable for about a verse. The problem here is not that the music is diverse or that it has interesting changes -- those are both good things -- but rather that it is a big "fuck you" to the listener. After going through the fuzz in this song, Alexandrakis almost puts it together with a big fuzzy sort of semi-orchestral treatment, but the listener has been so assaulted by the fuzz that it's too late to keep listening.

The other problem with this album is the obnoxious overuse of effects, mostly on vocals and guitars. The song "Sir Gawain and the Greent Knight" (track 10) features a guitar track treated with what sounds like chorus, reverb, and an occasional phaser effect (though this last effect may be on some other instrument that has just been mixed on top of the guitar). The vocals have a heavy and annoying echo/reverb thing going on. The overall effect is a bland, wet mess. Again, the song takes a horrible left turn with forty seconds remaining, which (unsurprisingly) features fuzz-pedal guitars and a new, obnoxious chromatic scale. I mean what the hell? The song then attempts to bring these two halves together by repeating the "chorus" over the fuzzed guitars, but it ends up an unsatisfying, distorted mess.

So what does the music sound like? I'm not sure how to categorize it. It owes a lot melodically to 60's folk ballads (particularly "Hunting Venus," track 19), but it clearly has been influenced by 80's metal and, oddly, popular films of the twentieth century. The title track is reminiscent of The Dark Crystal, and there are samples placed throughout the album, including an entire bit about witches from The Wizard of Oz. There is a lot of "sampling" going on in the form of playing ambient audio along with the music. MP3.com lists most of his music in the Experimental/Post Rock category, which is about as good as any for this stuff. I can't say for sure who this would appeal to: perhaps people who listen to Led Zeppelin and Mr. Bungle at the same time.

What's really sad about this album is that Alexandrakis clearly has a melodic sense and is a good instrumentalist. His vocals are actually pretty solid, but they would be much better if we could hear them (meaning without the thick, dripping effects). What this man needs is a producer who will prevent him from fucking up the arrangements. Given serious attention to recording, arrangement, and production, some of these songs have great potential. But hear me well: throw away that fuzz pedal, record the drums for REAL, and be serious about the music. This album repeatedly shoots itself in the foot by setting up a good structure and then breaking it in half. This breaking (or "left turn" as I have referred to it above) can be effective when it's done right (for example, by Radiohead on the new Kid A record), but it is just embarrassing on I.V. Catatonia.

Final word: worth a listen if you like underground stuff and can stand the (severe) problems with arrangement. For anyone used to studio produced records, this is a real "must avoid." This whole album (plus much, much more of this guy's stuff) is available for download at mp3.com/ericalexandrakis.

Fake Brain: Department of Our Ways (2000)

This is sort of an indie-punk thing, though you would assume it was metal from the packaging. Basically it is moderately well-executed adolescent punk typical of the late 90's. The band borrows style from better bands, in their best moments sounding like a rough, poorly-written version of Superchunk circa Hello Hawk ("Sub-Sublime," track 4).

But don't get me wrong, this is not indie rock! It is swaying on that crowded line between generic punk and art rock. Their band literature and web site mention the term "psychadelic" but it's not warranted (putting echo on the vocals in one song does not earn you this, guys). The songs are basically okay, but many of them play like filler material. The lyrics are largely garbage, though the guitar work is pretty good. Drumming is consistent and professional -- probably the best part of this band, actually. Bass is unremarkable. There are occasional synth lines that actually add something to the music (amazing), but they're hard to appreciate with the heavy up-front vocal mixes that force the listener to focus on the lame lyrics.

The final problem with this album is its length. With nineteen tracks, I can't help but imagine how much tighter and better a record this could be if trimmed down to ten. I have to wonder how this band sounds live -- probably better than they do on this record.

Final word: not too bad, maybe interesting for indie teens who like local punk. It's mainstream enough to appeal to the punk kids but not the indie rock kids. Check out their homepage, which includes links to listen to some of the music and buy the CD.

Butch has seen over two thousand bands live, six of which were any good.

BEHIND THE CONSOLE WITH SCOTT

by Scott, The Recording Engineer

Try To Say Goodbye: Jennifer Love Hewitt

It blows my mind that the BD was tuned so low. You can hear the head actually snapping from the lack of tension every time the dude hits it. Normally I'll crank the lugs on the beater head for a project like this and special order a RetroScreen, just to get that open sound, but that's as far as I'd go. This idiot made it sound like the shell isn't even attached. What you end up losing is a lot of bottom end when you tune down too far, and a lot of people don't realize that, just playing in garage bands. I learned that at Full Sail.

Fade To Black: Metallica

Okay, whoever this lead guitarist is...he needs to get his guitar intonated. And that wiggly little vibrato has got to go. He doesn't realize that every time he does that he loses all his leverage in his left hand...when he wiggles his forearm up and down like that, he bends the string waaay off pitch. And with the lead this prominent in the mix, every little bit counts. A good song, but before they can expect to get anywhere in this business they need a better producer.

Non-Music-Related Feature: Software Dream

I have ridiculous dreams in which thin women love me and configure my preferences repeatedly. Last week I dreamt of a transparent blonde woman plus boyfriend, sitting together in a hotel room. I was trying to convince this woman to purchase me and rip open my packaging, learn me, then use me regularly, upgrading me as needed. Her boyfriend was equipped with floppy brown hair, shaggy in a particularly offensive and boring way. She -- the woman -- was smiley and capricious, judgmental and hard, and could easily afford me.

In this dream I played an instrument consisting of six anti-hystamine pills in a blister pack. Pressing each pill generated tones which were pleasing and caused enjoyment in my subject. Pressing many pills simultaneously made chords which caused the floppy boyfriend to fade and eventually fall out a window, leaving me alone with my consumer, the transparent woman.

I am missing a piece of the story at this point -- what came next is lost, but I do remember abadoning the cold pills and much configuration and re-configuration with the woman.

Finally at the end of my dream came a very large, expensive television, owned by the woman. This television was so large that other, smaller televisions floated in equatorial orbit around it. Colonies of tiny little short people lived on the main television, and they were calm and stupid, regarding myself and the woman as their gods, wicked in our vengeance and benevolent in times of good weather and plentiful crops. I have ridiculous dreams in which thin women love me and configure my preferences repeatedly. I hope one day to model these dreams in three dimensions, but I fear that I will become obsolete long before that happens.

Staff:

Hoohan - Typing, Words
Ed Furniture

Contributors:

Scott, The Recording Engineer
Dick Wilson (office manager)
Butch

Created with Macs and dried cranberries from WinCo. Man that place is cheap. Send all resumes to the ha-ha-ha-ha-ha department.

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Now that's comedy.

Copyright and Other Scary Shit:

We will fucking bury you if you ha-ha our hoo-ha.

THESE WORDS ARE IN ~~BLUE~~ RED.

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